I work as an English Teacher on a Government funded programme in Seville. Every week we get 15 new students who stay for the week long intensive English Course. Needless to say some funny shit gets said.


  • The University I work for is called the UIMP (or the International University of Mendez Pelayo). But it’s pronounced ‘wimp’. As in wuss, chicken or pansy.


  • I once had a student who for their presentation (all the students have to do a 20 minute presentation on Thursday) spoke, without any hint of irony, about ‘how to identify werewolves and changelings and what to do if you meet one’.


  • Cough syrup being pronounced as ‘cock syrup’ never fails to amuse.


  • Neither does ‘beach/bitch’, or ‘sheet/shit’. As in “Spain has many beautiful bitches, and you don’t have to pay for shits at hotels”.


  • During a game of charades, the students where miming ‘Sex in the City’ (I’m guessing you can imagine how). The guesser was silent, and then shouted ‘Ooh I know. ‘HOW I FUCKED YOUR MOTHER”. Is there a version I’m not aware of?


  • I do an activity called ‘The Magic Cup’ where the students have to give 3 magical powers to an everyday object, and then try to sell it. Normally you get glasses that read minds, or watches that can stop time. One student’s pitch went like this; ‘this is my magical sandwich. If you’re hungry, you can eat it and not be hungry anymore. And, ummm, that’s it’. Forgive me if I’m wrong but that sounds a lot like a normal sandwich.


  • Just so you don’t think I’m totally heartless, I embarrass myself too when speaking Spanish. I once tried to tell my boss that the little chicks on the patio where ‘learning everything they needed to be good little birds’. Except the word for bird is ‘pajaro‘. And the word for wanker is ‘pajero‘. I used the latter. The shame.



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