I had a reading done by a Vedic Astrologer last week, and after the session I really started to wonder if anything in life, the life that I proudly call MINE, is personal? Am I making choices or am I merely walking down the path that I’ve always been destined to follow? Is it worth trying to change my ‘defects’ or should I just acknowledge that are meant to be there?
On the one hand I felt so reassured and comforted by what he said, but on the other hand it made me wonder ‘what’s the point?’. For example, he told me that I’m very prone to saying ‘yes’ to things. I think he said that I have a ‘yes gate’ which means that my first impulse when asked a question is to say ‘yes’ to it. This might sound like a really good, life embracing kind of thing. But as I experience it, I end agreeing to stay late at work/help people with essays/run errands/generally do things I don’t want to do.
The astrologer told me that what I need to do is to give myself time to make decisions, to say ‘let me think about it and I’ll get back to you’. At no point did he say this was a problem, that I should work on it, that I should try and do anything about it. It was so matter of fact, like a stylist saying ‘you have pale skin so this colour suits you more than that one’.
I now feel a bit stuck between working on issues, dissecting them and seeing through, and shrugging my shoulders, checking my chart and saying ‘ah yeah, look, it says here that this is what I’m like’.
Another strange aspect of the reading was being told things that I thought really personal choices, opinions and tastes, were actually written in the stars. I lived in Spain for about 6 months, in Seville and Madrid. I wasn’t a massive fan of Madrid, but loved Seville. Since being back in England, I can’t get Seville out of my head. I feel the city’s presence, like it‘s following me, and then disappears just when I turn around.
I thought that this was a really personal thing. That I liked my friends there, that I liked the food, I enjoyed being warm, the people were friendly and so on. Mais non. The astrologer did an astro-location reading, looking for the best places in the world for me to live and, yup you guessed it, Seville (along with Goa, whoowhoo!) is the best place for me to live. Something to do with my rising star being in Seville at the time I was born, meaning that I feel most like myself there. So this affinity that I feel to Seville is less of a choice and more just an inevitable fact.
On and on he went with things that I thought were just ideas or personal preferences. This was both reassuring and disconcerting. I simultaneously felt a deep feeling of relief that I was on the right track and the feeling that ‘I’ wasn’t on a track at all, there was merely a dance unfolding that matched up to a certain time of birth or set of dance moves.
The main thing that this reading showed me was to trust my instincts. I can’t say that I was told anything that I didn’t know, but having an objective observer spell it out in black and white made me feel more sure of what I felt. The point is, when something’s right for us, we know it. We feel it. We feel inexplicably pulled towards it. We feel the connection, or pulsation towards it first, and then we try and find logical reasons to justify and explain something that we can never know.
Our feelings are there to guide us. They come from a place beyond the mind, beyond logic, beyond clearly laid out arguments. They are the way that we find our way around. That feeling of ‘yes’ and forward movement that comes over us when something is for us, and that feeling of ‘no’ and contraction that we feel when something isn’t. This isn’t the same feeling as wanting something, or liking something. These impulses are not personal in the sense of belonging to someone, or being based on opinion or personality. They are the force that, if left to its own devices, would effortlessly guide and allow life to express itself in the way it wishes to. It takes practise to learn how to subtly read our feelings, but if we can listen to ourselves we don’t have to spend so much time and wasted effort trying to mentally work everything out.
We all have an internal navigation system, we may as well use it.